Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Chapter Three, Page Seventeen

The yellow one and I had quite an adventure this afternoon, but I fear my person is very displeased. Someone came to get the little black fellow today, and left the door to the meadow open. The yellow one found it, and ran out. I myself used to lead my person a merry chase before I learned to play the games, and I could not resist the temptation. I followed her on a mad dash past all the houses until an evil man in a white wagon began to follow us. I ran back into the meadow and the yellow one ran to the front door. My person let her in and then came to check on me in the back meadow. She was NOT pleased. I was a little ashamed of myself for behaving in a manner unbefitting a king, and scaring my person so. I can tell she is very afraid of the man in the white wagon. I should have protected her from him. I have been very affectionate with her to show my sorrow at my behavior. I can only hope the Canine Mastery woman does not find out. Somehow I care very much that she has a good opinion of me...

Chapter Three, Page Sixteen

My person stayed at the castle all day today. I was quite pleased. We played Binky several times, and she made delicious smells in the food room again.

In the meadow behind the castle, we played games without a leash. I performed excellently, even though the foolish yellow one tried to sabotage me on several occasions. She cannot perform the games. When we toss the Binky, she sometimes reaches it first as she is somewhat faster than me, but of course you know, dear readers, that she only hides it and cannot return it to my person.

I jumped upon the giant bouncing bed with the small male person today. It is quite invigorating and gives me a merry feeling. He makes cackling noises, much like the small brown birds that belong to the wrinkled one. I have often noticed persons making this noise-it seems to be an indicator of happiness. Later in the evening I saw the small black one in the meadow behind the castle. He is such a timid fellow, I did not even have the heart to bark at him. We are now laying down to rest, fatigued, stomachs full, and happy.

Your benevolent ruler,
Boo Radley

Chapter Three, Page Fifteen

There is a quiet little black fellow in the front meadow of the castle. I have not met him, so I believe he will be traveling on soon, much like the little one before him. He has made not a sound, and appears to be very timid. The little female person seems to like him very much, perhaps he will live at her castle. I have had a pleasant day, and now I shall put my Binky in my food bowl and slumber. Good night, dear readers.

Chapter Three, Page Fourteen

My person stayed late again making delicious smells. I sat at her feet and POINTEDLY stared, but she did not give me any of the sweet food. I am exhausted-this new sleep schedule does not please me.

Chapter Three, Page Thirteen

Just when I thought the Canine Mastery female and I had forged an (albeit uneasy) truce, she uses my games against me! All was going well in her meadow, and then she walked to her wagon. I thought perhaps she would ride away, but then I heard a squeak. A squeak! The maddening creature had a NOOKNOOK! For those dear readers who do not remember, a nooknook is a fabulous toy much like the binky, but it emits a tantalizing squeak when you bite it.

The Canine Mastery female brought the nooknook to me and THREW IT! I was in agony! I knew my person wanted me to be still, because she made the 'stay' noise. But it was a nooknook! It squeaked! I HAD to chase it! I took a tentative step and was promptly corrected. What fresh hell was this? What evil lurks in the mind of that woman? Why does she torture me so? Back and forth she threw the nooknook, squeaking it at every opportunity. My muscles shook, my body leaned into each toss...I was near madness but I would not let her break me! I stayed seated and was praised by my person, but it was an empty victory. I never attained the nooknook.

After taking a few moments to collect myself, we continued games and I performed flawlessly. My person was corrected on more than one occasion, however. She was very slow to learn the new game. I shall have to be patient with her this week. At the end of our games, my person told me to sit next to all the other dogs in the meadow. They were not tethered to their person, but they sat quietly just the same. The attractive brindle female sat beside me, as did the little black pup. Next to him was the silver female, and several others, including the big muscular one who greeted me enthusiastically when games began. Truth be told, he greeted me a little too enthusiastically for my taste, but he seemed a good fellow so I did not take him to task for it. It was a pleasant enough group, and although I was taken by surprise when my person dropped my leash, I did not move. All this torture, new games, and good behavior on my part have left me exhausted. I bid you goodnight.

Your Benevolent Ruler,
Boo Radley

Chapter Three, Page Twelve

That black dog persists in sticking his nose through the white sticks around my meadow. I warn him over and over again but he does not listen. Perhaps he is a simpleton, like the yellow one. Each time I bark at the black dog, she raises her hackles and jumps on me! She is lucky I am a benevolent king.

My person seems very tired as of late. I hope she is not feeling unwell. She went away in the wagon without me again and did not come back until the evening. I shall go lay down beside her and check to see if she is ill. 

Your worried king, 
Boo Radley

Chapter Three, Page Eleven

Today my person's behavior showed vast improvement. She fawned over the yellow one too much for my liking, but she did show the appropriate attention to me as well, unlike the past days. I am much pleased with her.

Today the wrinkled one leaned over and pressed her mouth to my head, making that sucking noise that persons do when they wish to show affection. Although she is the tiny ones' person and not my own, I love her very much. She has been in the castle forever, and she makes sounds to me quite often. She respects her king and treats me well. Today she leaned on me in the meadow, steadying herself as she walked into the castle. I made sure to be very still so that she did not fall. A good king watches over all his subjects, and does not consider himself above rendering aid to those who require it.

Games went well. There were two strange dogs I have not seen before running about. I judged them to be no threat, as they retreated once my person made the 'GOWAYGOWAY' noise.

I shall take my leave of you now-I feel as if I have one more game of Binky left in me tonight. Sleep well, dear readers, for I watch over the kingdom and all is well.

Chapter Three, Page Ten

Please forgive my inattention to this diary as of late, dear readers. I love my person very much but she has been severely neglecting her king. She goes in the wagon without me, she stays awake until the wee hours of the morn and fills the castle with delicious smells sharing not a bite, and this day she took all the food away in the wagon, returned with almost none, and promptly threw herself down and fell asleep. It is quite taxing, but I must be patient with her as she is only a person.

Games went well tonight. I was tempted to ignore her requests in retribution for her own neglect, but I enjoy her happy noises so. I gave in and performed well, as usual.

I am hoping my person is back to her normal attentive self in the morning. I leave you somewhat offended but still devoted,

Boo Radley.

Chapter Three, Page Nine

More sky water today. The little person and I had an excellent game of binky. I ran until I was exhausted. My person wrestled with the great purple monster again, throughout the whole house. She seems to enjoy the battle. Before she does this, she sprinkles a white powder throughout the fuzzy floors of the castle. It smells like flowers, yet not like flowers. Another strange habit of persons that I will never comprehend.

Tonight the red muscular dog from the castle across the way approached our yard. I warned him quite sternly to leave my meadow. As I was doing so, that daft yellow one jumped on ME! I quickly corrected her and she began to run around the perimeter of the meadow at breakneck speed. Perhaps she becomes so excited at the thought of battle that she forgets against whom she is guarding the castle-proof indeed that the silly beast is quite mad. It is all I can do to control my temper with her. I remind myself over and again that I must rule my kingdom with fairness and temperance, but it is not a simple thing with this 'Lola', this fetching simpleton, this beautiful and maddening female, this creature with whom I am so fascinated and aggravated.

Chapter Three, Page Eight

Gloomy dark day today, but the atmosphere did not carry over into the castle. Aside from the yellow one's irrational fears of the sky booms, all was cheerful. My person continues to make wondrous smells emanate from the food room, although she seems to be quite stingy with the results. 

Games went well, although the ground was still soaked. The new 'come' game seems very simplistic. Perhaps there is a nuance I am overlooking. I feel as if we should have visited the Canine Mastery woman today. I wonder if she is ill, for we did not travel to her meadow. I am rather disappointed, but I would not let her become aware of that. She takes too many liberties with the king as it is, and has taught my person to do the same.

Chapter Three, Page Seven

I feel a heaviness in my heart today. The big black and brown dog next door appears to be gone. He was an older fellow, and I fear he has left this life. He spent his days in shackles, and was thin and dirty. 

We have had our battles, he and I. Although I have had to drive him from my meadow in the past, I wish him no harm. He was kind to pups, he harmed no person or beast. His was a joyless life, and an ignoble death unworthy of a king.

This and every dog who has ever suffered so deserved better.

Yours in sorrow,
Boo Radley

Chapter Three, Page Six

My person spent much of the day making smells come from the food room in the castle, after which she began to pull down the old boundaries in the meadow. She left somewhere in the red wagon, and when she came back she smelled of dirt and sweaty small persons.

On our walks, we are learning to trust each other. When a person or dog approaches, I stand at attention and wait for her reaction. When she makes these sounds (itsokaybooboogoodboy) soft and soothing, I know that the approaching creature is no real threat to us, and I keep a watchful eye but do not threaten. When she is nervous or fears the oncomer, that I can also sense. She makes this noise then, (GOWAYBADDOGGOWAY). Sometimes she even throws a rock! Then I growl menacingly until the creature retreats, but I do not give chase.

The yellow one is becoming increasingly affectionate with my person. I find it mildly irritating, but the more time passes, the more I trust my person's loyalty. It is clear that she loves the yellow one (one would have to, to put up with her incessant foolery) but I chuckle to think of any dog ever replacing me in my person's heart. Persons may not be as intelligent a species as we, but they have a great capacity for love and loyalty (and their opposites, may my heart bear witness to the plight of my chained brothers).

It is a proud and loving king who bids you goodnight.

Chapter Three, Page Five

Uneventful day. Evening games went well. I was startled by a male person and a great snorting beast, but as my person did not seem alarmed, I soon deemed them harmless.

Two persons came to visit, and left with many plants they pulled from the earth. I have seen the great snorting beasts do this with their teeth, but the persons always pull them out using their curious front feet (which are quite ineffective for walking, but prove most useful to them in other ways) The visiting persons smelled nice. I allowed them both to pat the royal coat. The male person even played a little Binky. Through the window I noticed the wrinkled one making noises at the male, and they seemed to be barking about the plants. However, you can never tell with persons if it is nonsense or some sort of rudimentary barking.

Chapter Three, Page Four

More of that tiresome game the persons play involving digging holes and filling them with white sticks. I was SO plagued by ennui that I actually played the yellow one's ridiculous 'chase me' game. She does love it so, and I had nothing more interesting to do.

My subjects and I were all let inside at dusk, but the persons stayed outside. When they finally let us outside to perform our necessary functions, a strange thing had occurred. The boundaries of the meadow had CHANGED! The white sticks now form a gigantic NEW meadow. Wonderfully excited to play a long game of ball with the little person in this new territory!

Games went well, and I performed excellently, with only one correction. My person seems quite spent, much like last evening. I feel she will be asleep soon, and I shall be at her side.

Chapter Three, Page Three

Forgive the tardiness of these writings, dear readers. My person and I were staring at the noisy colored box and the two of us fell into a deep sleep and did not wake until morn.

Yesterday was a pleasant day, the air was crisp and much cooler than recent days. My person spent all day shoving the white sticks into holes and seemed very tired during our evening games, but I did a fine job and nothing untoward occurred.

The black dog made another appearance yesterday. He seems a merry fellow, careless as a pup as he wanders across the land eating out of trash cans and depositing his necessary functions in the meadows of other castles. However, like a pup he is unaware of the danger that follows him. I see many persons throw rocks and yell at him, and he doesn't seem to fear any monarch who threatens him. He travels dangerously close to the wagons that hurtle down the roads at breakneck speed.

He needs a person and a castle. And a moat.

Chapter Three, Page Two

I am not feeling well today, dear readers. I will write more on the morrow. Keep your king in your thoughts, my person seems to think rest will cure all.

Chapter Three, Page One

Spent much of the day in the meadow behind the castle. Evening was spent with the Canine Mastery woman. Her attractive brindle female was there, as well as the silver one and a muscular male whose name is very similar to my own. There was a large one there whom I have not seen before tonight. 

My person asked me to climb upon a table, and then a tree stump. I do not know why, but this gave her great satisfaction. We also learned a new game, called 'Come' and she seemed VERY pleased when I performed well at this new thing. I heard the Canine Mastery woman make this sound, 'basicobediencetest'. It seemed to make my person a little nervous. I feel it has to do with a challenge of games. If so, my person should not be nervous. I enjoy the games, and I especially enjoy performing them perfectly! I am almost offended at her worry, and then I remind myself she is merely a person, and knows no better. I shall rise to the challenge with vigor!

Your exuberant leader,
Boo Radley

Chapter Two, Page Twenty One

The yellow one regurgitated her lunch today. My person seemed very concerned, but if she could bark I would have informed her that the yellow one is quite the glutton and ate my lunch as well as her own. I begin to think she may have done it to receive special attentions from the persons. I put nothing past that creature.

I performed less than impressively in the beginning of our games tonight, but after correction I threw myself down upon the ground immediately when I heard the 'down' noise. The poor chained beasts have barked themselves hoarse and sounded like old crows tonight.

My person is staring into the clear pond in her wing of the castle. I do not understand why she is fascinated by the swimming creatures. All of them together would make not even a snack.

Chapter Two, Page Twenty

Evening games went swimmingly. I performed not just excellently, but PERFECTLY. My person was so very pleased with me. I was very excited, and we even ran for a while. I needed this, as there were no ball games today.

The tiny ones have been sleeping with my person. I am not threatened by this, in fact I allow it as a token of goodwill. After all, they were residents of the castle when I began my rule. Despite their participation in behaviors that curry no favor from my person, they are good-hearted little subjects and they amuse me to no end. Upon occasion, the tiny fat one romps with me, but the old one is tired and becomes cross at my attempts to frolic. He sleeps away most of the day but seems to be in good spirits. The wrinkled one loves him very much, and he spends most of the day at her side, as does the tiny fat one, although she begs for attention from my person in no small measure.

Chapter Two, Page Nineteen

My subjects and I spent the entire day outside. The persons were playing a strange game of digging holes with sticks, then filling the holes with different white sticks. I was bewildered but amused, as were the two tiny ones and the yellow one. 

My person and I had another altercation. The tiny yellow one ran out the gate when my person opened it, and I followed suit. I know my person dislikes this immensely, but it is what I have always done. She caught my necklace as I attempted to squeeze past her, and I growled quite angrily and snapped at her. Once more, dear readers, I am ashamed of this behavior, but years of bad habits keep surfacing, though I know I should rule with kindness and not anger. My person corrected me very harshly, yet after incidents like these she never seems to bear me ill will. This is one of the reasons that I love her and try to please her. She accepts me with all my faults, and I feel somehow that we are working together now to create peace, happiness and safety in the kingdom. I was quite repentant and showed her extra affection all afternoon, and I believe she understood my apology regardless of her inability to bark.

Evening games went well. No strange dogs running about, and my person was lavish with praise when I performed well.

I remain your imperfect but steadfast leader,
Boo Radley

Chapter Two, Page Eighteen

Another banner day here at the castle. Again the thundering herd of little persons took us to the meadow, AGAIN the silly yellow one ran about ignoring us all, and again I played 'fetch' until I threw myself to the ground, utterly spent.

I was quite ill-tempered when games began, but I believe I am just getting rusty at the 'down' game. My person and I refreshed ourselves upon the rules and I ended the evening in splendid form befitting my station.

I quite enjoy the new toys brought by the little male person yesterday, but the yellow one keeps taking them. Does she not know that toys are only for kings? No sooner does she drop one than do I spirit it away, and yet she continues to do so. Ah well. She is my cross to bear, the stone around my neck, and yet I do feel a growing affection for her. I am sure it is only that of a king for his subject.

On the subject of the yellow one, my person's mother is across the castle murmuring her nonsense noises. This one she repeats quite often, 'myyellerbaby' and 'mylolagirl'. She often laughs at the yellow one, as do we all.

Chapter Two, Page Seventeen

I have finally discovered why I am forced to suffer through the barking and squealings of the thundering herd of person puppies that often visit the castle, and dear readers it is worth every minute of aural agony! We went to a meadow where I smell many other dogs have been, and oh, the 'fetch' games we played!

I have never run so far, so fast, or so long! It was a pure, unadulterated joy to run. The meadow was so enormous the persons could not throw the ball to the end. I leapt, I scrambled, I spent every ounce of energy in my body. At last, I was forced to steal the ball from the persons and flop down in sheer defeat!

Of course, the yellow one foolishly ignored the games, but seemed quite happy to run madly along the perimeter of the meadow, sniffing and snuffling in her strange way. Although she ignored the persons, she also exuded a feeling of utter bliss, and exhausted herself in her imaginary pursuit of all the scents of all the dogs who had come before us.

Because of my tired state, I must admit I was a little grouchy for the evening games, but I did perform as asked. The person puppies all came along, and every time I laid down for the 'stay' game they laid down with me and gazed into the sky, jabbering and jibbering their nonsense.

I cannot think of a day that has been more enjoyable than this. I lay down my head weary, satisfied, and totally at peace.

Your benevolent ruler,
Boo Radley

Chapter Two, Page Sixteen

Today brought many interesting happenings both fair and foul. We had several pleasant romps in the meadow behind the castle, but as the sun began to sink lower in the sky, the herd of small persons arrived. Do not forget how vexed I was when last they came. I cannot abide the loudness of their yappings and fightings. 

Evening games began as usual, until we spotted a large black dog advancing upon us! I felt my person fill with anxiety, and I knew that this was my chance to prove to her that I can protect her from the danger that surrounds us. However, I also remembered that oftentimes I am corrected for inflating the situation. And so, dear readers, I very calmly stood alert and gave the wanderer a warning bark. My person also yelled this noise at him, "GOHOME". She repeated her noise, so I gave him a loud growl. He very wisely chose to run in the other direction. It was then I realized that I knew this dog! I had seen him nosing around our castle a few nights ago, and warned him MUCH more vehemently to stay away from my kingdom. He didn't seem such a bad fellow. I feel as if he is searching for a better castle, as he doesn't seem well-fed and he often noses around our yard.

I must leave you! I smell fake bacon!

Chapter Two, Page Fifteen

We rode in the wagon to Canine Mastery today. It was pleasant, although my person corrected me several times during the 'heel' game. There were just so many interesting smells, dear reader! Hard to resist. However I did a fine job at the 'stay' game. There was a black pup there who seems to have completed some important task. I sat very close to the brindle dog. She is, to put it politely, a very attractive dog. It is strange that although I notice her beauty, I still harbor no romantic feelings. In fact, I have not had any romantic feelings since the hot time last year. Perhaps I am getting old? No matter, it does not affect my ability to rule. I am both famished and exhausted-I bid you goodnight.

Chapter Two, Page Fourteen

Did not receive but a short amount of the ball game with the little person. Most unsatisfactory, but better than none I suppose. Evening games were uneventful. I remain indignant at the 'down' game but my resolve is wearing thin. My person is persistent, I will award her that dubious compliment!

So many angry dogs in the castles surrounding us. I do not cast blame upon these poor beasts. The indignity of being leashed to a TREE! Imagine it dear readers-what an utterly uneventful and frustrating life these deposed monarchs must feel. It does not appear they are receiving kingly rations, either. Many appear ill and show great bald patches upon their coats. Some persons are quite disgusting to me-they really should not be allowed to breed as they are obviously not cut of decent cloth. Fortune has definitely favored my castle with its choice of subjects, but I cannot glory in this while the haunting images of my fellow beasts in chains burns in my brain.

Yours with a heavy heart,
Boo Radley.

Chapter Two, Page Thirteen

Hm. I am very disgruntled. My person stayed away from the castle ALL DAY today. I am demanding all her attention now so she will know that I missed her and she should NOT repeat this behavior again!

Chapter Two, Page Twelve

I am very pleased with my person's mother today. She must have gone hunting, because she came home with a wonderful bounty of THREE binkies! Of course, the yellow one, the tiny old one, and I all set to work removing the binky tails. It is custom to gnaw them off. It makes the binky more pleasurable for catching. Naturally the yellow one (daft, you will recall) chewed her binky for hours, as if it was a bone filled with delicious marrow. I am so very fond of her now, but much of it is amusement, for every court needs a fool.

Our evening games are wearing on me. I feel my person takes too many liberties with the royal person, especially with the 'down' and 'stay' game. Really, she acts as if SHE rules this kingdom...thrice she corrected me this evening. It is in these times that I remind myself of her GOOD qualities. Excellent binky throwing, generosity with treats, and my favorite of all, her petting skills. It is if love and affection ooze through her hands, quite relaxing. I have never before trusted a person to know how to behave in a dangerous situation, but I believe she is earning that trust, despite her fraternization with the Canine Mastery woman. Come to think of it, the Canine Mastery woman does exude an aura of confidence that would be very beneficial in times of peril.

I must be tired, entertaining thoughts of an alliance with my arch-enemy! It is off to slumber I go, remaining ever

Your vigilant ruler,
Boo Radley

Chapter Two, Page Eleven

Strange occurrence today. The small person produced a shiny thing and placed it to his mouth. It bellowed like a sick horse, REPEATEDLY. I retired to my crate to no avail. The shiny thing has powerful lungs and its caterwauling rang throughout the castle and beyond. Just as I was devising a plot to kill the thing, he placed it in a big black box and took it away. May a thousand suns rise and set before I ever lay ears on the shiny thing again!

Aside from this assault on the royal ears, I had an uneventful day and a very pleasant walk. Now I will lay down next to the yellow one with my Binky at my side.

Chapter Two, Page Ten

We spent much of the day outside, and my person's mother made a noise like this-'howscleening'. I was quite bored, and insisted upon a rousing game of binky when we re-entered the castle. The small person and I played 'ball' today with his wonderful toy, which helped my ennui in no small measure.

My person came home smelling of many strange dogs again today, but I have long since decided to trust in her fealty. Then after some time they all left but the wrinkled one, and when they came back all my persons smelled of the great snorting beasts as well.

Our evening games went well, excepting my irritation with the 'stay' game but my person quickly corrected me and I decided to acquiesce. We tossed the binky a while and now I am ready to rest my head. Wishing a good evening to all my dear readers,

Boo Radley

Chapter Two, Page Nine

The persons spent almost all of the day outside, putting big white sticks in the ground. They keep making this noise "Fence". I was rather bored, but the yellow kept herself busy barking like a mad dog at whoever passed by. She was chastised but as she is of limited intellect, it appeared to do no good.

Our evening games were uneventful. I of course am excellent at the new sit game. Really, my person must try harder to invent more challenging activities befitting a dog of my mental stature.

Chapter Two, Page Eight

I relaxed much of the day. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. However, my person and I did meet with the Canine Mastery woman in her meadow this evening. Such a long ride in the wagon! We played a new game called 'Stay', and I must admit, dear readers-it took my person quite some time to catch on. However, the Canine Mastery woman corrected her and then we began to learn in earnest.

There were some interesting dogs in the meadow this evening. A HUGE female with big floppy ears, the silver one I have seen before, a black female, and one (I believe her person is the Canine Mastery woman) who has fur of brown and black stripes. I was surrounded by women, until another brown and black striped male showed up with his person, who was also male. I have never before seen a silver dog. That one must come from a far-away place, I think. The silver one and the striped one sat down for a very long time.

I want to tell you about a very strange behavior. I performed...a 'function' in the meadow, and my person produced a wrapper of some sort, and PICKED IT UP! I find this distasteful. I wonder if any other dogs have persons with embarrassing habits like this one.

Yours in confusion, Boo Radley

Chapter Two, Page Seven

The forgiving nature of persons is such a blessing. Today was simply marvelous. There were three small persons here, but they played outside for a great while and so did not make their presence unwelcome. We all played with the Binky in the meadow behind the castle, and I felt so appreciative of my subjects that I even let the yellow one win twice. The trouble with that? She refuses to bring back the Binky! Ah well. I let it pass.

Evening walk and games were difficult, however. One of the female small persons brought my tiniest subject along with her, and I found it very hard to concentrate on games and protect my littlest at the same time. She runs at breakneck speed and I constantly fear attack. After several tries, I finally relaxed and participated fully in the games. It ended pleasantly, and after we returned my person took the yellow one out for a walk as well. Now I lay down for much needed rest and bid you all a fond goodnight.

Chapter Two, Page Six

Dear readers, I almost could not bring myself to write this evening. I have done a thing that shames me, but how can I expect my subjects to admit their wrongdoing if I cannot admit my own? And so I must tell you what I have done.

My person does not wish me to bark, growl, and threaten outsiders who come to our home during the day. I have begun respecting her wishes since meeting the Canine Mastery female, but today I was very cross. I rushed at the door, and when my person corrected me...(I can hardly bear to write this-courage, Boo...) I growled, barked, and snapped my teeth at her as if to bite.

She immediately corrected me very harshly. I am afraid I reacted badly, and though I did not mean to do it, I hurt my person and tore her shirt and skin. There was blood, and all the persons were howling with all their might.

After this shameful event, she barked her nonsense words at me quietly and I licked her hand in apology. Water came out of her eyes.

Sometimes I do not understand my person, but I know in my heart that she loves me, and wishes only good things for me, as I love her. I am hoping that tomorrow we can both forget that we hurt each other and move forward with the mutual respect we have worked so hard to forge.

Your humbled king,
Boo Radley

Chapter Two, Page Five

Spent a great deal of time outside again today. The persons were all digging, pulling up the grass, transferring plants from one place to another. The little brown female person was here today, and one of those evil yellow flying insects bit her. She howled a great deal, and then my person came out with an object that spit a foamy white substance at the insects' nests. They fell to the ground, buzzing and screaming. I am very glad I do not speak insect, as I think their dying words were full of curses against my person.

The yellow one, 'Lola', went in the wagon with my person today. When she came back, she barked about a river with many dogs and persons there. She was terrified, as she has never seen a river. I laughed at her and explained that swimming was great fun. She did not swim, but she did walk around in the water for quite some time, even though she was afraid. She also enjoyed sniffing around at all the new smells on land, especially the bird droppings. She was very curious as she had never seen a bird that swims. I am beginning to wonder if she is perhaps not so much crazy as simply naive...

We played the 'ball' game quite alot this evening, I, my person, the yellow one, and the young male person. It was quite invigorating and I was exhausted when we were through. Aside from a few minor tinges of hurt concerning the yellow one's adventures with my person, I leave you tonight a satisfied dog, ready for sleep and dreams of squirrels.

Chapter Two, Page Four

My subjects and I were all gladdened to see that while the ground is still wet, there was no more light and boom in the sky today. We passed the time out of doors for a while this afternoon, while my person and her mother dug holes in the ground and shoved big white sticks in them. Are they mimicking dogs, I wonder? Are they tryingto learn from us?

During our evening stroll, we heard many loud noises from a castle down the way. I believe they were celebrating, but what I do not know. The noises emanating from their castle sounded much like howling, but of course people cannot truly howl. It is only more mimicry.

Our games went very well today. My person seemed pleased. A tiny little dog wandered across our path as we played. It wore a necklace like my own, but had no person with it. It was obviously not the ruler of its kingdom-how could one so small protect an entire castle? It's ruler must be a very poor one, to leave such a vulnerable subject to roam the streets alone. Were I an angry dog, I could have killed it with one shake. I shall never understand the minds of some dogs. No pride in your kingdom, no concern for your subjects...what is the canine world coming to?

Do not despair, dear readers. One castle still stays true.

I remain happy, content, safe, and ever your vigilant ruler,
Boo Radley

Chapter Two, Page Three

Dreary evening at the castle. My person and I had to play our games inside. The yellow one cowers in fear from the light and the boom in the sky, and the old little one jumped into the bathing place with his wrinkled person! I must confess, I did get a chuckle out of that, dear readers.

My person and her mother rode in the wagon tonight, and when they came back they smelled of dust and those large hoofed animals. I have seen them walking by the castle, with persons on their backs. It is most curious.

As I was writing this, I glanced at the yellow one out of the corner of my eye, and was SHOCKED. She performed a bodily function that is completely disallowed in the castle! Just when I begin to like her, she loses her fool mind again. Surely the wrath of her king and the persons is more frightening than the light and the boom! She was promptly banished from the castle. I wonder if my person's mother will ever let her back in, or if she is doomed to eternal exile

Chapter Two, Page Two

My person and I have spent a great deal of the day sleeping. She may be developing some sort of illness, but I? I simply enjoy being a dog.

Chapter Two, Page One

It was a restful and relaxing day in the kingdom. My person and I slumbered shortly on two occasions. The little person and my person's mother were both absent for much of the day, and the wrinkled one stayed in her wing of the castle. I miss her pleasant noises when she does not roam the land. 

Instead of our evening games, we rode in the wagon to the far-away place. It seems as if the Canine Mastery woman and I have arrived at a stalemate. Since the assassination attempt, we seemed to have gained a mutual respect for each other. She observed my person and I at great length, and seemed pleased with us. We played the 'sit' 'down' and 'heel' game without a single misstep, which gave me an odd feeling of pride, much as if I had won a great battle.

After we left the far-away place, we stopped again at the place where there are smells of food and drink. We met a new female person, who gave me 'bacon'. This pleased me very much. The new person smelled of dogs and grass. I approve of her. She talked at great length with my person, and I grew restless to return home. As king, I must always keep in mind the well-being of my subjects. Who knows what foolery the yellow one is up to, without me to watch over her? And what of the wrinkled one and her little dogs? Who shall protect them when I am absent?

Finally we returned home, where I was fed gruel and engaged in a short game with the Binky. It has been a long day, but a satisfying one. I leave this first day of the second chapter of my life happy, fulfilled, and ready to rest my weary head.

Your benevolent ruler, Boo Radley.

Chapter One, Page Twenty One

So many events occurred today, dear readers. Most notably, the chocolate-y brown one has traveled on. He seemed a happy little fellow, I almost hate to see him go-almost. 

Also of great import...the herd has been THINNED! The two new little persons have returned to their castle. It is quite a relief, the kingdom is MUCH quieter today. The male little person has brought a wonderful new amusement into the castle. It is a long stick with a round cup at the end. In this hole he places the ball, which is a kind of circular Binky without a head, tail, or feet. Then the little person slings the ball far away, and I give merry chase. We played this game many, many times. The yellow one followed me and bit at my sides as we ran. I used to correct her for this, but now she pleases me with her playfulness. However, she did NOT please me when she stole the royal Binky and HID IT while I was playing with the ball!

I am almost ashamed to admit that I was having so much fun I forgot to bring the Binky inside. Later in the evening after our 'sit' 'down' and 'heel' games and our evening stroll, I suddenly felt its absence and alerted my person. With due alarm she let me into the meadow behind the castle. There we searched endlessly, under, on top of, and behind every object in the yard multiple times. In fact, we searched so long that my person insisted we give up. Imagine my shock as I re-entered the castle and smelled the Binky in the washing room! I searched each nook and cranny until I found it. Where was the Binky? Shoved into a space between the two big machines that keep gruel cold, dear readers! That insolent yellow 'Lola' HID THE ROYAL BINKY!

I am livid. I will use this night's slumber to devise an appropriate punishment.

Chapter One, Page Twenty

Very shady goings-on in the kingdom today. I discovered a little chocolate-y black dog living on the side of the castle. Odder still, it is evident that he is here with my person's approval! First the yellow one, and now THIS? At first my heart was sorely vexed, but as of late I have felt more benevolent to those dogs around me who obviously suffer from inferior (or even nonexistent) persons. It has occurred to me that as monarch of this great empire, it would behoove me to feel compassion toward the lesser of my subjects.

There is an air of difference about this one, as if he is only traveling through. although he seems to want my person's attention very badly. She pities him of course. That could be the only reason she takes him for walks and rides in the wagon. He is quite a runt, half my size. He is bigger than the tiny ones, but hardly a dog of kingly stature and no threat to me. The yellow one harasses him through the fence, but I have risen above all that unbecoming yammering.

Our evening walk and games were interesting tonight. Strange persons walked close by us and yet my person still wanted to play the 'down' game. Against my better judgment I participated in the games as dogs challenged me, wagons rolled by, persons shouted their nonsense sounds, and (this most tempting of all) a delicious cat strolled by nonchalantly, completely unaware of my razor-sharp teeth and fine-tuned hunting skills. Foolish little crunchy creature, she knows not that she was saved only by my new-found goodwill toward my fellow creatures. I leave you tonight feeling benevolent and kingly, dear readers. Sleep well and fear not, for I keep constant vigil and will protect you until you wake.

Ever your king, Boo Radley.

Chapter One Page Nineteen

So very tired this evening. I passed by the door that shows your reflection, and saw a patch of white above my right eye. I do not know exactly who caused it, but I feel certain it can be attributed to either the barking yellow madwoman or these infernal little persons. Too ill-tempered and exhausted to post more. May tomorrow see the retreat of this army of two-legged puppies!

Chapter One, Page Eighteen

These little persons seem to have taken up residence here. While I enjoy them I do wish my person would thin the herd somehow. They are EVERYWHERE...tossing the binky, rubbing my fur the wrong way, speaking their silly nonsense words, barking at each other, running to my person or her mother with complaints and water pouring out of their eyeballs. It wearies a dog, it really does. They even came along on our nightly stroll, bringing the yellow one and babbling and fighting over who got to hold our leashes.

As we were on our evening walk, it occurred to me that I can't really remember the time before my person joined my kingdom. I suffer from no strange memory loss, it only seems like a dream, or the life of some other dog. I cannot imagine what I would do without her laying by my side, scratching my belly, singing my songs to me, preparing my dinner. Before I became her dog and she my person, what did she do? Who protected her? I simply do not see how she survived alone in this dangerous world. These are the things you wonder about when you bring an orphaned person into your castle. Once more I think how strange and wonderful it would be if she could bark.

Chapter One, Page Seventeen

The persons spent many hours outside this evening, putting meat into the big iron thing that smokes. The small persons were playing in the pond that sticks out of the water, and that fool yellow thing kept trying to tempt me into barking at everything that walked by the yard. I cannot abide that nagging bark of hers sometimes. It is enough to drive a dog mad!

During the midst of all the delicious smells, annoying barking, squealing little persons, and the constant jabbering nonsense of the big persons, my OWN person actually demanded we play the 'sit' 'down' 'heel' game! It was hard for even my distinguished royal intellect to focus on games with all these distractions, but I soldiered on and gave it my all. My person seemed very, very pleased. As I write this I am laying at her feet, and will soon end the night with a delightful sleep. Rest easy, dear readers-all is well in the kingdom of Boo Radley tonight.

Chapter One, Page Sixteen

Little persons are driving me to distraction. Staying in the crate until they fall asleep. A king should not have to listen to this madness.

Chapter One, Page Fifteen

What an interesting day this was. All the persons in the castle, including the little ones, spent all day moving things and wiping them down. I was quite irritated with them. Why would you remove the dirt from the castle floor? I quite prefer a layer of dust over my kingdom. It reassures me. They also used the big hole that makeswarmth for quite some time. I DO like this, it always makes wonderful smells.

In the evening, my person and I got into the wagon and drove to a place that makes food. There we met a female person I have met in the past. I liked her demeanor very much, and she smelled of sand and sea. She rode with us in the wagon to the Canine Mastery woman's empire. There we played the 'sit', 'down' and 'heel' game many times. I was shocked and amazed that my nemesis was so pleasant. Had she forgotten her attempt upon my life? Did she not recognize me? She is a mystery, dear readers. Not only did she treat me wonderfully, she actually corrected my PERSON! TWICE! I shall never understand females, four-legged or two, they are quite the mystery.

After our games, we all three rode in the wagon again. I was again perplexed when we arrived at a place that I had never seen before. It smelled of food, and to my amazement I was welcome there. Many persons do not care to have me enter their castle. Sometimes there is even this picture on the door-'No Dogs Allowed'. However, in this place there were people eating on the large tables that one usually sees outside, and they seemed happy to have me. One particular person was very attentive and kept making this noise-'awmanthisisacooldog'. My person seemed pleased by this man. One dark note, friends-a man with evil in his heart approached my person and her lovely friend. I barked a warning, and was corrected. I chose to obey this request, but I did keep an eye on him throughout our time there. He smelled WRONG.

Finally we returned to my castle, where I was greeted warmly by all. It has been an enlightening evening, and I will chuckle for many days remembering the look on my person's face when SHE was corrected. Turnabout is fair play, dear readers...turnabout is fair play."

Chapter One, Page Fourteen

This diary entry will be short, dear readers. There is a huge celebration in the castle, and from the amount of fake bacon I have received I believe it is in my honor. We went to a place today, the door had these scribblings on it- 'Crossroads Animal Hospital' There was a HUGE dog (twice my height) that lived there, with a silver dog about my size. They had two persons with them. In another corner of the castle there was a tiny dog, about the size of my smaller canine subjects, and he too had a person in his corner. There were persons behind a half-wall, and they all wore the same clothing. One of them made some noises at my person and she and the little person (he rode with me in the back seat of the wagon) became excited and grasped each other and slapped their forelegs together. I believe one of the noises sounded like this- 'heartworm negative'. They walked me out of that place and they were howling all the way home. It was the howl they always give to me, and I recognize my name in it.

Ever since our return to the castle all my subjects have been full of joy. I would expand upon these remarks, but I cannot deny them my presence. Until another day, readers."

Chapter One, Page Thirteen

Lovely day today except for one incident in which the yellow one irritated me and I snapped at her. I was corrected most unpleasantly. Aside from this I enjoyed many trips outside, we played Binky several times, and we also enjoyed the new 'sit' and 'down' game. In the evening, I, my person, and the little person had a cool walk.Several dogs barked at me, but I paid them no mind. We also walked past two dubious male persons, but I assessed the situation and saw no threat to our party.

Then a strange thing happened. I was asked to go into my crate, and they took the yellow one outside, on a chain metal collar and MY LEASH! They returned after a while, and then amazingly, they played the 'sit' game with "Lola". She is such a foolish dog, I assumed she would never learn the rules. Wonder of wonders, the silly creature began to 'sit' on her own after three tries!

Dear readers, just when you think you have a woman figured out-she does something to leave you completely befuddled."

Chapter One, Page Twelve

The two little persons were quite entertaining today. While they do not hide it like my person does, they are not entirely unskilled at the game of Binky. I have noticed that my person does not allow them to play tug-of-war. This is too bad, as it is an excellent game and I can always beat them. They have found a way around this rule, as they keep the secondary Binky on hand at all times. When I return, I cannot resist the call of another thrown Binky, so I must drop the one in my mouth.

After many "sits" and "downs" throughout the day, we went for a night-time stroll and the little male person came along. He tried to walk with the yellow one, but her manners are atrocious. She pulled at her collar and in general made a horrible fuss. I believe she would greatly benefit from a chain mail collar such as my own. We hastily returned her to the castle and set out again for a relaxing time. My person kept making noises at the little person, and he seemed curious about my leash and he laughed when we walked close together. I believe this is called 'Heel'. I like the little person, he makes very pleasant noises to me. He does take liberties with my royal person, getting much to close to my face. My person corrects him for this-it seems to make her very concerned. However, he is an amiable fellow and I do enjoy his company."

Chapter One, Page Eleven

"My person and I rose very early this morning. As usual, I had to perform my morning ablutions before she awoke and had to alert her by placing my nose in her hand. I confess, I do it in part to watch her-she is quite humorous when startled. After she let me in, I realized I was quite sore and still fatigued, even after a full night's rest. My muscles were aching from the battle with the assassin yesterday. If I am any judge of persons, mine felt the same. She went to her room, laid on her bed, and immediately fell asleep. I decided to join her. In her sleep she threw an arm over me and we napped together for MANY more hours. It was nice.

Throughout the day she repeatedly asked me to 'Sit' and 'Heel' and 'Down'. I was reticent, but it is hard to deny her when she seems so pleased by it. I received no fake bacon today, but she did pass out little cookies to my subjects and I. I also continue to enjoy the fishy smelling liquid she puts on our food.

The little fat one has been trying to steal my person. She jumps in her lap a little too often for my taste. I shall keep an eye on that tubby little love-thief. I must keep ever vigilant. I hear the sound of a bag rustling-must go, dear readers, else I miss today's fake bacon ration. I remain your benevolent ruler,

Boo Radley"

Chapter One, Page Ten

There was an attempt upon my life today by my arch-enemy Canine Mastery! She tried to make me submit and I refused, growling at her quite authoritatively. That's when she struck! I thought I was a dead dog. Then after the struggle I realized I had misjudged the success of her attack. I was in perfect health, not even a flesh wound.We met in battle twice more this morning, and I am ashamed to say she was the victor in both skirmishes. Afterwards, she made pleasing sounds, as did my person. I do not understand female persons. Am I to be killed, or cuddled? I am perplexed.

Aside from this terrifying attempt to overthrow your benevolent ruler, it was a wonderful day. After we came back from that place, I rested in my crate for some time. Every king needs a room where he can be alone, shielded from the constant worries of battle and his subjects. Then my person and I did some exercises that seemed to please her. Why that female is so happy to see me sit or lay down, I do not know. She truly baffles me. However, I do my best to make her happy, as I am quite fond of her and VERY fond of her fake bacon. We also chased the binky a little, and I am ending the evening with a nice nap at her feet. Until tomorrow, dear readers!"