Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Chapter One, Page Sixteen
Little persons are driving me to distraction. Staying in the crate until they fall asleep. A king should not have to listen to this madness.
Chapter One, Page Fifteen
What an interesting day this was. All the persons in the castle, including the little ones, spent all day moving things and wiping them down. I was quite irritated with them. Why would you remove the dirt from the castle floor? I quite prefer a layer of dust over my kingdom. It reassures me. They also used the big hole that makeswarmth for quite some time. I DO like this, it always makes wonderful smells.
In the evening, my person and I got into the wagon and drove to a place that makes food. There we met a female person I have met in the past. I liked her demeanor very much, and she smelled of sand and sea. She rode with us in the wagon to the Canine Mastery woman's empire. There we played the 'sit', 'down' and 'heel' game many times. I was shocked and amazed that my nemesis was so pleasant. Had she forgotten her attempt upon my life? Did she not recognize me? She is a mystery, dear readers. Not only did she treat me wonderfully, she actually corrected my PERSON! TWICE! I shall never understand females, four-legged or two, they are quite the mystery.
After our games, we all three rode in the wagon again. I was again perplexed when we arrived at a place that I had never seen before. It smelled of food, and to my amazement I was welcome there. Many persons do not care to have me enter their castle. Sometimes there is even this picture on the door-'No Dogs Allowed'. However, in this place there were people eating on the large tables that one usually sees outside, and they seemed happy to have me. One particular person was very attentive and kept making this noise-'awmanthisisacooldog'. My person seemed pleased by this man. One dark note, friends-a man with evil in his heart approached my person and her lovely friend. I barked a warning, and was corrected. I chose to obey this request, but I did keep an eye on him throughout our time there. He smelled WRONG.
Finally we returned to my castle, where I was greeted warmly by all. It has been an enlightening evening, and I will chuckle for many days remembering the look on my person's face when SHE was corrected. Turnabout is fair play, dear readers...turnabout is fair play."
In the evening, my person and I got into the wagon and drove to a place that makes food. There we met a female person I have met in the past. I liked her demeanor very much, and she smelled of sand and sea. She rode with us in the wagon to the Canine Mastery woman's empire. There we played the 'sit', 'down' and 'heel' game many times. I was shocked and amazed that my nemesis was so pleasant. Had she forgotten her attempt upon my life? Did she not recognize me? She is a mystery, dear readers. Not only did she treat me wonderfully, she actually corrected my PERSON! TWICE! I shall never understand females, four-legged or two, they are quite the mystery.
After our games, we all three rode in the wagon again. I was again perplexed when we arrived at a place that I had never seen before. It smelled of food, and to my amazement I was welcome there. Many persons do not care to have me enter their castle. Sometimes there is even this picture on the door-'No Dogs Allowed'. However, in this place there were people eating on the large tables that one usually sees outside, and they seemed happy to have me. One particular person was very attentive and kept making this noise-'awmanthisisacooldog'. My person seemed pleased by this man. One dark note, friends-a man with evil in his heart approached my person and her lovely friend. I barked a warning, and was corrected. I chose to obey this request, but I did keep an eye on him throughout our time there. He smelled WRONG.
Finally we returned to my castle, where I was greeted warmly by all. It has been an enlightening evening, and I will chuckle for many days remembering the look on my person's face when SHE was corrected. Turnabout is fair play, dear readers...turnabout is fair play."
Chapter One, Page Fourteen
This diary entry will be short, dear readers. There is a huge celebration in the castle, and from the amount of fake bacon I have received I believe it is in my honor. We went to a place today, the door had these scribblings on it- 'Crossroads Animal Hospital' There was a HUGE dog (twice my height) that lived there, with a silver dog about my size. They had two persons with them. In another corner of the castle there was a tiny dog, about the size of my smaller canine subjects, and he too had a person in his corner. There were persons behind a half-wall, and they all wore the same clothing. One of them made some noises at my person and she and the little person (he rode with me in the back seat of the wagon) became excited and grasped each other and slapped their forelegs together. I believe one of the noises sounded like this- 'heartworm negative'. They walked me out of that place and they were howling all the way home. It was the howl they always give to me, and I recognize my name in it.
Ever since our return to the castle all my subjects have been full of joy. I would expand upon these remarks, but I cannot deny them my presence. Until another day, readers."
Ever since our return to the castle all my subjects have been full of joy. I would expand upon these remarks, but I cannot deny them my presence. Until another day, readers."
Chapter One, Page Thirteen
Lovely day today except for one incident in which the yellow one irritated me and I snapped at her. I was corrected most unpleasantly. Aside from this I enjoyed many trips outside, we played Binky several times, and we also enjoyed the new 'sit' and 'down' game. In the evening, I, my person, and the little person had a cool walk.Several dogs barked at me, but I paid them no mind. We also walked past two dubious male persons, but I assessed the situation and saw no threat to our party.
Then a strange thing happened. I was asked to go into my crate, and they took the yellow one outside, on a chain metal collar and MY LEASH! They returned after a while, and then amazingly, they played the 'sit' game with "Lola". She is such a foolish dog, I assumed she would never learn the rules. Wonder of wonders, the silly creature began to 'sit' on her own after three tries!
Dear readers, just when you think you have a woman figured out-she does something to leave you completely befuddled."
Then a strange thing happened. I was asked to go into my crate, and they took the yellow one outside, on a chain metal collar and MY LEASH! They returned after a while, and then amazingly, they played the 'sit' game with "Lola". She is such a foolish dog, I assumed she would never learn the rules. Wonder of wonders, the silly creature began to 'sit' on her own after three tries!
Dear readers, just when you think you have a woman figured out-she does something to leave you completely befuddled."
Chapter One, Page Twelve
The two little persons were quite entertaining today. While they do not hide it like my person does, they are not entirely unskilled at the game of Binky. I have noticed that my person does not allow them to play tug-of-war. This is too bad, as it is an excellent game and I can always beat them. They have found a way around this rule, as they keep the secondary Binky on hand at all times. When I return, I cannot resist the call of another thrown Binky, so I must drop the one in my mouth.
After many "sits" and "downs" throughout the day, we went for a night-time stroll and the little male person came along. He tried to walk with the yellow one, but her manners are atrocious. She pulled at her collar and in general made a horrible fuss. I believe she would greatly benefit from a chain mail collar such as my own. We hastily returned her to the castle and set out again for a relaxing time. My person kept making noises at the little person, and he seemed curious about my leash and he laughed when we walked close together. I believe this is called 'Heel'. I like the little person, he makes very pleasant noises to me. He does take liberties with my royal person, getting much to close to my face. My person corrects him for this-it seems to make her very concerned. However, he is an amiable fellow and I do enjoy his company."
After many "sits" and "downs" throughout the day, we went for a night-time stroll and the little male person came along. He tried to walk with the yellow one, but her manners are atrocious. She pulled at her collar and in general made a horrible fuss. I believe she would greatly benefit from a chain mail collar such as my own. We hastily returned her to the castle and set out again for a relaxing time. My person kept making noises at the little person, and he seemed curious about my leash and he laughed when we walked close together. I believe this is called 'Heel'. I like the little person, he makes very pleasant noises to me. He does take liberties with my royal person, getting much to close to my face. My person corrects him for this-it seems to make her very concerned. However, he is an amiable fellow and I do enjoy his company."
Chapter One, Page Eleven
"My person and I rose very early this morning. As usual, I had to perform my morning ablutions before she awoke and had to alert her by placing my nose in her hand. I confess, I do it in part to watch her-she is quite humorous when startled. After she let me in, I realized I was quite sore and still fatigued, even after a full night's rest. My muscles were aching from the battle with the assassin yesterday. If I am any judge of persons, mine felt the same. She went to her room, laid on her bed, and immediately fell asleep. I decided to join her. In her sleep she threw an arm over me and we napped together for MANY more hours. It was nice.
Throughout the day she repeatedly asked me to 'Sit' and 'Heel' and 'Down'. I was reticent, but it is hard to deny her when she seems so pleased by it. I received no fake bacon today, but she did pass out little cookies to my subjects and I. I also continue to enjoy the fishy smelling liquid she puts on our food.
The little fat one has been trying to steal my person. She jumps in her lap a little too often for my taste. I shall keep an eye on that tubby little love-thief. I must keep ever vigilant. I hear the sound of a bag rustling-must go, dear readers, else I miss today's fake bacon ration. I remain your benevolent ruler,
Boo Radley"
Chapter One, Page Ten
There was an attempt upon my life today by my arch-enemy Canine Mastery! She tried to make me submit and I refused, growling at her quite authoritatively. That's when she struck! I thought I was a dead dog. Then after the struggle I realized I had misjudged the success of her attack. I was in perfect health, not even a flesh wound.We met in battle twice more this morning, and I am ashamed to say she was the victor in both skirmishes. Afterwards, she made pleasing sounds, as did my person. I do not understand female persons. Am I to be killed, or cuddled? I am perplexed.
Aside from this terrifying attempt to overthrow your benevolent ruler, it was a wonderful day. After we came back from that place, I rested in my crate for some time. Every king needs a room where he can be alone, shielded from the constant worries of battle and his subjects. Then my person and I did some exercises that seemed to please her. Why that female is so happy to see me sit or lay down, I do not know. She truly baffles me. However, I do my best to make her happy, as I am quite fond of her and VERY fond of her fake bacon. We also chased the binky a little, and I am ending the evening with a nice nap at her feet. Until tomorrow, dear readers!"
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