Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Chapter Four, Page Twenty

Many persons in the castle today, and delicious smells. I was not given most of the food, but I did receive a lovely piece of ham. The male person puppy with the yellow fur was here. I quite enjoy him, and we played binky several times. I tried to take the Binky from him before he threw it and was corrected, by my person as well asby the yellow person puppy! I must admit I was amused at the bravery of the tiny little thing.

The yellow one has been on her best behavior since my person scolded her for jumping on me. My person and I know that I cannot in good conscience punish the daft thing, so my person reprimanded her. She is a good person, and always protects her king.

Games were very distracting today. We never learn anything new any more, and I must admit I have been bored as of late. However, today the two small female persons went with us and were babbling and howling while riding their two-wheeled wagons in circles around me. I could barely concentrate, but still performed in a stellar fashion.

I am exhausted, and lay myself down at my person's feet for much deserved rest. It has been quite an eventful day.

Chapter Four, Page Nineteen

I have been pushed to my limit by the yellow one. Time and time again I put up with her demented antics, with no end in sight. She is under some delusion that is acceptable to harass me each time I patrol the perimeter of the back meadow. Rough-housing with royalty is UNACCEPTABLE. I continue to meditate upon the best way to deal with her gently but she will have none of it! She is like a giant child in a beautiful adult's body. Does she think I allow this because she is female? Does she believe her beauty holds some sway over me? She is sorely mistaken, dear readers! I am not some weak commoner to be held captive by an attractive face and a pleasing figure!

And just as I make up my mind to punish her, I think of my person, and how it will hurt her. And then the yellow one circles around me, lays down next to my side, lets out a delicately feminine sigh, and I do not have the heart to mete out the consequences she so richly deserves.

Yours in frustration,
Boo Radley

Chapter Four, Page Eighteen

Strange occurrence today. My person's mother and the two little persons piled into the wagon and have not returned. Surely they have not defected to another castle? I am enjoying the silence but as a conscientious ruler, I do worry. I must confess it is lovely to relax on the big comfortable bed without my person's mother telling me to get down. It shall be our little secret while she is gone, dear readers!

My person is playing evening games with the tall one who lives on the side of the castle! Earlier in life I would have been jealous, but I know that she merely feels empathy for the poor homeless creature. I continue to excel at my own games, and feel sure that the tall one cannot approach my prowess.

I hurt my leg yesterday, and my person seemed very concerned. She spent much time holding the tiny black thing next to her face and talking. However, her concern was unwarranted, and if she could bark I would have told her it was merely a temporary pain and not to be fretted over.

Your vigorous and healthful leader,
Boo Radley

Chapter Four, Page Seventeen

Yesterday the large hairy male person came to see us. He points a big black thing at us while we play our games, and he gives quite satisfying pats and ear scratches. We have seen him before, but this time my person, the yellow one, and I all rode in his wagon to the large meadow down the road. We played games until I was exhausted, but the yellow one ran around sniffing at the ground, completely ignoring us. What can you expect from her but utter ridiculousness? It is a waste of a good wagon ride, in my opinion.

Today my subjects and I spent much time in the back meadow chewing on delicious sticks that have fallen from the food-bearing trees. The yellow one destroyed the toy they call a "nooknook". I was quite angry when I found it in the bucket of discarded belongings, and snatched it. However I was promptly corrected and the nooknook discarded again, lost forever. Ah well, I did find a new toy at the dog park and it is quite bouncy, so perhaps I have traded evenly.

While outside, my person made noises into the small black thing she holds to her ear for a time, then made the orange monster eat the sticks and leaves inside the big metal-rimmed circle. The persons often do this, sometimes holding the sticks over the fire and placing white food on the end of them.

All in all, a delightful day. Goodnight, dear readers, and peaceful sleep to you and your kingdom.

Chapter Four, Page Sixteen

Dear readers, I know I have been lax in my diary entries as of late, but oh, such happy times are here at the castle! The suffocating fog of sadness we were previously cloaked in has given way to the most wonderful of times. Every day is filled with Binkies, chase, lavish attention from my person for me and all my subjects, person puppies howling mirthfully and bouncing me upon my giant bed, the most excellent ear scratches and praise, and many enjoyable games both with my person and the yellow one.

My person seems to still be under some sort of stress, but has obviously turned some corner in her own mind. The new small person who spends much time here is a jolly fellow, and often calls my name and throws me the Binky. He seems to have joined our small person's pack, and a welcome addition he is. Rosy-cheeked and always baring his teeth in that odd way persons do, he brings joy into all my subjects' faces when he arrives. We have had many other visitors as well. Today several older person pups visited along with their mother, and I was pleased with their pattings. The male person pup bounced me on the bed and was a worthy opponent at the game of Binky as well. The wrinkled one spends many hours in the back meadow, and I and the yellow one nap in the sun as we watch over her. My person's mother continues to provide me with loving affection, although she sis foolishly misinformed as to the yellow one's place in the castle. She thinks the yellow one rules here! Silly persons, can they not see that the yellow one is mad, and to be pitied, not revered? Ah well, it does me no harm to let it continue. The yellow one is a good subject in her own right, and deserves the love and affection she receives. I leave you in excellent humor, and wish your kingdoms all the happiness in the world.

Your loving and blessed king,
Boo Radley

Chapter Four, Page Fifteen

What a glorious day here in the castle. Spent much time in the meadow. The sky was bright but not hot, and a pleasant cool wind blew just enough to ruffle the royal fur. The wrinkled one and my person played their strange games, picking up dead leaves and half-eaten nuts from the trees, and the yellow one, the tiny ones and I meandered across the grass, sometimes chasing the Binky, sometimes just laying in the cool dirt watching the persons.

The bone of some great beast lay in the meadow, and I claimed it as my own. It took no small effort to carry, and seemed almost heavier than my head. I relished it for quite some time but my person took it from me when I attempted to enter the castle with the bone in my mouth. She made this noise. 'EWGROSS'.

I lay at her feet as she watched the noisy bright box, and beside her on the 'COUCH' thing, with the old grumpy one at our feet and the tiny yellow one yipping in her sleep. I believe she dreams of squirrels, as she does love to chase them so. Beside us lay the yellow one, ever waiting to squeeze past me in the race for my person's affection. Silly female. Will she never learn her place in this kingdom?

Your bemused king,
Boo Radley

Chapter Four, Page Fourteen

A strange malady has come over my person. She has slept most of the day away, stirring only to make a terrible honking noise like that of the great water birds. All day long I have brought her the binky in efforts to stir her, but she listlessly throws it once or twice and then drifts back into her sleep, making most unpleasant sounds all the while.

It has been a mercilessly boring day, with only the mad yellow one to keep me company, since the tiny ones love to curl up with my person and sleep the day away as well.

My person has stirred once more, and looks as if she will go into the room that makes hot water pour down. I like this room, the warm wet air feels pleasant on my nostrils. It has been chilly as of late, and this might be just the thing to cure my person of that horrible honking and return my castle to normality.

Your longsuffering leader,
Boo Radley

Chapter Four, Page Thirteen

I am most worried about the yellow one. She and my person left in a strange wagon with another female person. When she returned, a great patch of hair had fallen off of her belly, and something had attacked her there! She has a strange bite wound and some sort of blue mark next to the wound.

Ordinarily I pay no attention to her barkings, but she told such a strange story, I wonder if her mental condition is worsening. My person took her to a place with many dogs and cats, and on the side of a huge wagon were these symbols- EMANCIPET. Then they came at her attempting to do her harm! They put her inside the wagon and it was all made of cold shiny rock. She claims they tried to tie her mouth shut and stick sharp things in her flesh, like the sting of a giant bee. Then they made her feel strangely sleepy and happy. They locked her in a cage with a big pink paper on it with these symbols-CAUTION! I am scared. The walls of this wagon were lined with many animals, all barking, meowing, or sleeping deeply.

All this could be plausible, but then she made such a ridiculous claim, I can only believe she is either jesting or becoming even more daft, if you can comprehend such a thing...she said my person JOINED IN THE ATTACK! Rubbish, dear readers. Pure rubbish. No person is more loyal than mine. I know not WHY she is loyal to this foolish beast, but I do know that she would never attempt to harm the yellow one. Never.

What shall I do if the yellow is progressing in her lunacy? What if her hallucinations tell her she is the king? What if they tell her to chew our legs off in our sleep? What if she loses her looks, too? (Although I am quite proud of her physical appearance, that was in jest, dear readers. A little levity to ease the tension)

A king cannot shirk his duty to his subjects. I suppose I shall grow old with her by my side, barking of demon persons and birds with teeth and people that bark, the poor mad creature...

Chapter Four, Page Twelve

It has been a strange and wonderful time in the castle. Two nights ago the castle was invaded by strange-looking little people howling and yipping and running through the meadow. They buried their faces in water trying to find food, they ate (and dropped!) so many wonderful things. I was perturbed by their howling near the royal bedchamber, and tried to bark at them to stop, but they only howled mirthfully and stuck their hands in the royal bedchamber to pet me. They seem like good-natured little creatures, but really I cannot fathom why anyone would allow them to congregate in such large numbers.

My person also looked different that night. She wore strange tall fur on her head, and her skin was grey and mottled. I thought perhaps she was ill, but she did not act it. Late in the evening she played in the water and reappeared in her normal skin. I was much relieved. It has been lovely in the back meadow, searching out fallen bits of food discarded by the little person-pups.

I have had an exhausting game of Binky today with the small persons who live in the castle, and now I really must retire. I bid you a fond goodnight, dear readers.

Chapter Four, Page Eleven

Upon the subject of my person-She has often seemed melancholy of late, and I sense that however primitive they may be, she does have trials and fears that plague her. I wish I could bark to her words of comfort. If I could, I would tell her this;

As I lay beside you, my head in the crook of your knee, the binky resting on your hip, I know that you and I will be together for always. As you stroke my face and turn your mouth up as humans do when amused, know that no person or dog shall ever hurt you as long as I draw breath. No illness, hunger, pain or sorrow shall sway me in my devotion to you. I am your king, and I stand ever ready to guard you against the perils of the world. Though I paid no price to own you, you are utterly and completely mine. I shall never fail you. I shall never leave you. I shall love you fully and completely, until my reign over this kingdom has come to an end.

Yours forever,
Boo Radley

Chapter Four, Page Ten

I found a break in the barrier of the meadow. My person made the 'come' noise, so I returned after sniffing the yellow plants they grow. I ate one once, and promptly lost my stomach. It was delicious, and worth it.

Many small persons here today. I enjoyed them for a small time, but retired to my crate after they became too much for my nerves to bear. My person removed all the lovely dirt from the castle floor again with her large wet stick. It leaves a strange smell, half unpleasant and strong, half flowers. She does not like me to walk on the places she rubs the floor until they are dry. It irritates me. A king should have the run of his own castle, dear readers.

The concessions I make in the name of peace...

Chapter Four, Page Nine

Quite a lot of Binky today. The tiny old one seems to be feeling peckish. He is always grumpy, but I fear his skin is bothering him to no end and this always puts him out of sorts. My person's spirits, however, continue to improve. She has been returning from wagon trips with a strange smell of orange dirt and person-puppy sweat. It hurts my pride to think she is enjoying some sort of game without me, but I remind myself that anything that pleases her can only be good for the morale of the kingdom.

Chapter Four, Page Eight

The dark-haired female person came to visit my castle today. I approve of her. She gives excellent pets and makes amusing noises to me, as well as throwing the Binky with appropriate fervor. She belongs to several dogs, I believe, but has never brought them with her. The noises she makes sound different than my person's noises. Perhaps she is from another land.

The yellow one did something extremely rude in the castle today. We shall not bark of it, except to say when last she did this thing, there were skybooms.

The little persons were fractious today. Much howling and eye water. I was not pleased, nor were the persons if I am any judge of their primitive body language and 'barking'. More delicious smells from the food room, and again none served to me.

And now I retire, reflecting on the fact that today's only saving grace was several well-played games of Binky.

Chapter Four, Page Seven

The yellow one's behavior was much improved today. Perhaps she was exhausted from our battle during the night. We heard a fierce barking in the middle of the night. I tried to resist but I could not help but join the fray. Our barking woke my person's mother and she made some noises that seemed to express extreme displeasure. My person went out into the meadow behind the yard and through the barking I heard her make the 'NO' noise at the muscular dogs who are in shackles behind the next castle. Foolish person, of course they did not listen...

Games went excellently tonight. I wonder when we will return to the Canine Mastery person's meadow. I feel quite uneasy without our regular visits, and I have noticed that we have not learned any new games in quite some time, but simply repeat the same ones endlessly. I tire of these games and hope to learn more soon.

Chapter Four, Page Six

The yellow one has been driving me mad. I tried to express this to my person with various noises and I believe she understood, although her mother made the mirthful howls that offend me. My person made soothing nonsense noises and I was somewhat mollified. Really, the yellow one knows that my person belongs to me. I do not understand why she insists upon rudely shoving her face into my person's leg and whining for attention like a tiny pup. Perhaps she was neglected by her own mother. Whatever the reason, I remain sorely vexed and shall not let her participate in any Binky games tomorrow.

Chapter Four, Page Five

Where shall I begin, dear readers? So much has happened in the castle today. Aside from the usual games and Binky throwing, we had two visitors, a male and a female person. They seem like a good sort and petted me very nicely. My subjects and I all received the delicious treats my person keeps on top of the box that keeps person food cold, and another male person who sometimes visits the castle spent some time in the back meadow assembling some sort of purple wagon with two big wheels.

Earlier in the day, my person fought the big purple monster again and drove it back into the room by the wrinkled one's quarters. I have also discovered that I can open the barrier in the back meadow by hitting it with my nose. My person cbeckoned me back into the meadow and I immediately heeded her call, which seemed to make her happy. I assumed it would, thus effectively distracting her from my original misdoing. It takes intellect and cunning to rule a kingdom well!

I have not yet mentioned the horrible attack perpetrated on me today. An object I previously thought inanimate grabbed me by the collar and I struggled mightily but could not free myself! Luckily, my person was sitting on a similar object right beside me. She called my name loudly as if to rebuke me, but then she spied the root cause of my distress and valiantly released me from the creatures grasp. I barked at it in utter confusion. How could a cold wooden thing with legs of rock do such a thing? Has everything I have ever known about life been trickery? I howled and growled my confusion for quite some time, but my person stroked my chin and made soft, soothing noises until I was quite sure that the thing would not attempt to harm me again. However, I shall keep my eye on that thing from now on. I cannot let down my guard, for that is the path to certain death.

I must admit that my person's mirthful howls did injure my pride, but I tell myself that she would never find such a hair-raising event humorous...

Yours in consternation,
Boo Radley

Chapter Four, Page Four

Another day filled with playing of the Binky. I am so glad life at the castle is returning to normality. The persons moved the big circle with wood in it to the backyard. I thought it was a giant food area, so I continually claimed possession by dropping my Binky inside its circle. Imagine my surprise when my person's mother set it on fire! I could have lost my Binky forever!

Fire, dear readers, is a stuff that can be both lovely and dangerous. It is a great red and yellow monster that eats wood and gives off a delightful heat when it is contained. Out of all the creatures I have encountered in my life, only persons seem to be able to accomplish this feat.

I did become excited and overreact when the yellow one chased me and nipped at my flanks. My person corrected me, and it was quite unpleasant. However, we soon forgave each other and all was well. The big tall one continues to stay here, and she is quite vocal. I hope she finds her castle soon.

Chapter Four, Page Three

It has been many days since I last visited you, dear readers. My person has been feeling quite sad, I can tell. While she cannot bark, she has a very effective way of communicating through body language and the water that pours from her eyes. It has cast a dark cloud over our castle. And then today, it seemed to lift somehow. 

small male person came to visit us. He and my small person played in the meadow behind the castle for hours, jumping on my large bouncing bed. They threw the binky for me oh, so many times! It was delightful. I felt quite as if I was a young pup again. We ran, and caught, and threw over and over as the small persons squealed with delight. They jumped on my bouncing bed and I let them bounce me into the air. It brings them such joy, and I myself find it not a little mirthful. Then my person returned.

She was gone in a strange and very noisy white wagon for the whole of the morning and afternoon. When she returned with the big tall one, she seemed somehow stronger. Not quite happy, but with an aura of firm resolve. She seemed very happy to see me in good spirits, and praised the small persons. She also played Binky with me for a while, and then we played our games. I was so excited and my blood was running hot from the games, so I did make a mistake or two but I soon rectified it.

I am now spread out at her feet, spent and ready for slumber. With luck we shall not suffer from such sadness again.

Your relieved king,
Boo Radley

Chapter Four, Page Two

The small person returned to the castle tonight, after which they all went to the back meadow and threw some toys at a strange configuration of sticks. I myself would've preferred a nice game of Binky, but there is no accounting for persons' taste.

We played the 'sitstay' game while they played their strange new game. I left my post two times and was corrected with the 'NO' sound, at which I promptly sat back down and finished the game. It was a pleasant day, but all in all quite uneventful.

Chapter Four, Page One

Much skywater today. Played our games inside as well as possible. A new dog in the front meadow of the castle today. My person seems to be using it as a way-station for dogs without a castle. Funny how a lesser creature can show intelligence and emotions. Once again, I often wish she could bark. What conversations we would have!

We also rode in the red wagon to a place where other persons pass food to my person through a hole in their castle. Once upon a time I would have barked at them fiercely, but I have learned they are gentle creatures, and pose no threat to us. Then we went to another castle, where I got out and a group of persons stood around looking at a big red box. Occasionally a small disk would shoot out the side of the box, and a person would grab it with their curious front paws and walk back to their wagon. A female person seemed excited to see me but she held no interest for me, as I was in the middle of the 'sitstay' game.

Although my Binky was limited to short range games in the castle and I suffered from a small amount of ennui, I am not entirely displeased with this day. I have a full belly, a loving person to serve me, and all is well tonight.

Your benevolent ruler,
Boo Radley

Chapter Three, Page Twenty

My person continues to annoy. Today she made me get in the big white hole and put a smelly substance all over me. It makes bubbles and tastes horrible. She sprayed water all over me and now all my delightful smells and dirt are gone. It will take me weeks to acquire more. She did the same to the yellow one, and to the tiny ones yesterday.

She also removed the dirt from the floors again today. I really must ruminate on a solution to her troublesome behavior.

Chapter Three, Page Nineteen

I am extremely perturbed with my person. As ruler of this kingdom, I demand a strict routine be adhered to, and it is as follows; We wake. She brings us to the meadow behind the castle to perform our natural functions. She feeds us. We lay about restfully for several hours, then the small person arrives and plays Binky. Then we are fed again, I have another round of Binky, then we engage in our evening games. After the games, more Binky. Then we retire. Every seventh day this schedule is altered when we visit the Canine Mastery person.

After our first feeding, she asked me to play Binky. I of course obliged, for I shall never pass up an opportunity to play my favorite game. However, it is the seventh day and we did NOT visit the Canine Mastery woman, nor did we play Binky after evening games! I shall not stand for insurrection or mutiny. I am QUITE put out.

Yours in frustration,
Boo Radley

Chapter Three, Page Eighteen

Most of the day passed uneventfully, but evening games were quite challenging! We traveled down a path previously uncharted, and there was a great snorting beast on the road. Normally I defer to the greater size and power of these beasts, and cross to the other side. However my person wished to remain on our chosen path. The beast stirred uneasily and raised his great hind paws (If you have never seen one of these beasts, dear reader, their paws are made of rock and can kill a dog in one blow) I must admit I felt a fair amount of trepidation, but I did not falter. My person seemed very pleased by this.

Even more tempting was the crunchy who did not run, but also stayed her path as my person gave the 'DOWN' noise. The crunchy stared at me intently, its otherworldly tail twitching as if it were one of the legless belly crawlers with the poison bite. After many moments it ran. I could not bear it, dear readers! I rose from my crouch, and of course my person barked the 'NO' noise. I was quite shamed at my lack of control. However, I finished out our games with perfection, and my person seemed very pleased.

Strangely, we did not conclude the evening with our regular game of Binky. Ah well, perhaps it slipped her mind. After all, as I keep reminding myself, she is but a mere person...